Alone
by lexjl
Summary: "No, nobody but nobody can make it out her alone." ― Maya Angelou. She had only felt this alone two other times in her life, when her sister died and the day she found out she lost their baby. This is a 200 story because AJ was amazing. I don't own anything. 1 shot only


Please tell me what you think this is completely different than how I usually write. Set from 200.

_"No, nobody but nobody can make it out her alone." ― Maya Angelou_

She had only felt this alone two other times in her life, when her sister died and the day she found out she lost their baby. She lived with that guilt since that day, she had not told Will about the baby or how she lost it during the attack. The blame was on her and she felt every day especially when they talk about having another child. Maybe this was her punishment for being so careless with her child's life, being handcuffed hanging from the ceiling, she was sure that anything that he done to her she deserved.

She had tried to tell Will after the accident but when she called home he was so worried about how she was doing and could hear the heartache in his voice, she couldn't add to that. Instead when she first got home she pulled away from him and told him having another baby was not the right time. Then she went back to the BAU to become a profiler, she knew that he would support her but it would take a toll on their relationship. She decided that if she made it out of this hell she would be complete honest with him and plead for him to forgive her.

/

The team had found her and Matt, he was going to be recover from the knife wound but both of them had a long way to go before the mentally okay. She talked to him in the ambulance, made sure he was okay and that he knew she was okay. When she climbed out of the ambulance, she seen the two people that meant everything in the world to her, Will and Henry. The tears started falling as soon as she seen them, she walked over to them pulling both of them into a hug.

"I love you." She whispered to them.

"We love you." Will whispered back.

"Missed you mommy."

"I missed you."

The team watched the family, none of them could imagine how it was going to affect each of them but right now they were just happy to see the family together while they knew JJ had a long way to go before she was okay at least she was going to be able to heal.

/

Will took her the hospital, while Henry was staying with Emily and Garcia, they were taking him back to JJ's house. He knew she was trying to front up for everyone including him but he could see the fear in her eyes. He wondered if she would ever open up completely to him, she always tried to shut down and hold in all her feelings, this is the one time in their relationship that he would not back down she needed to talk. He waited for the doctor to examine her, they did x-rays and bandaged her up it wasn't until the doctor walked out of the room that JJ spoke.

"I need to tell you something." She whispered.

"You can tell me anything."

She looked at him, she knew he thought it was about the kidnapping but this was going to be so much harder.

"I am asking you to listen to all of what I have to say before you say anything."

"Jen, I love you. Please talk."

She took a deep breath and for a moment she remember how happy she was when she first found out she was pregnant. She wanted to tell him then everything happen with Emily and before she could tell him the attack then the baby was gone.

"Right before everything happened with Emily and Doyle, I found out I was pregnant." She started, looking at the ground but she glanced up at him quickly, she could see the confusion in his eyes.

"We had been trying for so long and I was so happy but I wanted to tell you in person, I knew I had one more thing to do on assignment then I would be home. I made the decision to go on the transfer." She stopped taking a deep breath.

"Jen."

"Will, it was my fault that I lost our baby. We were attacked because I went on that mission and because I told the wrong people that I thought we had a double agent. I am so sorry." She told him as the tears poured down her face.

"You have carried this grief inside you, I wish you would've had told me."

"I couldn't break your heart or know that you blamed me. Will, please don't hate him. I understand if you are mad or don't want to be around me."

"Look at me. "

She slowly lifted her head until she was looking at him in the eyes.

"I love you and after the last couple of days I am not letting you out of my sight. I wish I would have known so that we could grief together. I do not blame you for the loss of our child and you need to stop blaming yourself. We cannot replace one baby with another but we will have another baby when the time is right."

"Will, I." she started.

"Jennifer, now we can grief together but you have to stop blaming yourself."

/

Will took JJ home and after she received hugs from Garcia and Emily, who was staying for a couple of days, he took her to their room. She sat on the bed as Will got her out some pajamas, when he walked back over he helped her undress and then dress again.

"Will, I want Henry."

"Lay down and I will go get him."

JJ laid in the middle of Will and Henry, she wrapped her arms around her son as Will wrapped his arms around her. She was safe in this cocoon, she could feel it. She could feel the tears running down her cheeks. She was crying for her everything she had been through the last couple of days, for the secrets that she kept, because she was alive, for their grief and their baby. She was crying more because she was didn't have to live with the loss anymore and she had survived.

**Please let me know what you think.**


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